A Letter to the Emotionally Intense: You Are Not Too Much

Part of the “Untangling the Ties” Blog Series

If you’ve ever been told you’re too sensitive, too dramatic, or too much to handle, you probably know the sting of shrinking yourself just to be accepted.

Maybe you’ve heard:

• “You’re overreacting.”

• “Why do you always take things so personally?”

• “Calm down—it’s not that deep.”

And maybe, over time, you started believing them. You learned to dial yourself down. You swallowed your tears, silenced your voice, and tried to take up less space.

If that sounds familiar, this post is for you. Consider it a gentle reminder, from one human to another: you are not too much.

Why We Start to Believe We’re “Too Much”

Often, this message begins in childhood. If your emotions were met with dismissal, irritation, or even punishment, you may have internalized the belief that your feelings were a burden.

Some of us grew up in families where emotional expression wasn’t modeled. Others had caregivers who were overwhelmed themselves and couldn’t make space for our needs. For some, cultural or generational norms taught us to value toughness, stoicism, or self-reliance over vulnerability.

So, when we did cry, ask for comfort, or react strongly, we were made to feel like something was wrong with us. And that belief—I’m too much—can follow us into adulthood, quietly shaping the way we show up in relationships.

How It Shows Up in Adult Relationships

That little voice that says “you’re too much” can leave you second-guessing yourself in all kinds of ways:

• In romantic relationships: You might hold back your feelings, fearing you’ll scare someone off, or over-explain yourself to avoid rejection.

• With family: You may slip into being the “easy one,” the peacemaker who doesn’t rock the boat—even when something hurts.

• At work or in friendships: You might struggle to advocate for yourself or minimize your accomplishments, worried you’ll come across as “difficult” or “attention-seeking.”

The result? A watered-down version of you. One where your true emotions stay underground, and your needs rarely see the light of day.

Here’s the Truth

Emotions are not the problem. Silencing them is.

Your sensitivity is not a weakness—it’s information. It’s your nervous system doing what it was designed to do: signal when something feels safe, unsafe, joyful, overwhelming, aligned, or off.

Being emotionally intense doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re alive, deeply attuned, and capable of experiencing the full spectrum of human connection.

How to Start Reframing “Too Much”

Healing this belief is a process, but here are a few places to start:

1. Notice the story. When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m too much,” pause. Ask: Where did I learn this? Whose voice is this really?

2. Reframe sensitivity as strength. Sensitivity is often linked to empathy, creativity, and strong intuition. What if the very trait you’ve been taught to shrink is actually one of your greatest gifts?

3. Find safe spaces to practice showing up fully. This could be with a trusted friend, a journal, a support group, or in therapy. Little by little, let yourself be seen without apology.

4. Challenge the myth of emotional independence. We’re wired for connection. Needing comfort or expressing emotions doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.

A Compassionate Reminder

If no one has told you lately:

• Your feelings are valid.

• Your needs are important.

• Your intensity is not a flaw to fix—it’s part of your wholeness.

You deserve relationships where you don’t have to dilute yourself. Spaces where you’re embraced not despite your depth, but because of it.

Try This Reflection Exercise

Take a few minutes with a journal, notes app, or even a quiet space in your mind:

1. Think about a time when someone told you (directly or indirectly) that you were “too much.” Write down what happened and how it made you feel.

2. Ask yourself: What message did I internalize about myself in that moment?

3. Now flip the script: If a close friend you love dearly had the exact same experience, what would you want them to know about their feelings and worth? Write that message down—and then try reading it back to yourself as if it’s meant for you.

This simple practice helps soften the old belief that you are “too much” and begins replacing it with something truer and more compassionate.

Let’s Work on This Together

If you’re tired of feeling like you’re “too much” in your relationships—romantic, familial, or otherwise—I’d love to help you explore where that belief comes from and how to release it.

In therapy, we’ll unpack the old messages that taught you to shrink yourself and begin building a new narrative: one where you are worthy of taking up space, exactly as you are.

I specialize in helping adults untangle complex relational dynamics, reconnect with themselves, and build more grounded and authentic relationships—with others and with their own inner world. 📞 Let’s connect for a free 20-minute consultation call. Click HERE to schedule, and we’ll talk about what you’ve been carrying and how we can start making space for the full, authentic you.